


Thank Merlin for Occamies

by glitterfox19



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Tumblr Prompt, healer!scorpius, magizoologist!albus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterfox19/pseuds/glitterfox19
Summary: Albus Potter, magizoologist, gets into a scuffle with some Occumanies and gets more than he bargained for after checking into St. Mungo's.





	Thank Merlin for Occamies

**Author's Note:**

> I found this really cute prompt on Tumblr (from @per_mare_ad_astra I believe) where the Healer runs tests on their patient and flirts with them because they realize their heart rate is higher than normal because their Healer is so attractive, and I just knew I had to use it with Scorbus. Enjoy this shameless fluff!

Albus Potter had gotten himself into a right mess.

Some idiot had decided that it had been a good idea, however long ago, to purchase magical beasts of classification XXXX or XXXXX. It wasn’t him, but he was still foolish, because he had been stupid enough to go after a degree in magizoology in the first place.

If he hadn’t liked Hagrid’s ruddy Care of Magical Creatures enough to get pursue a N.E.W.T. in it, and then proceed to get an Outstanding on said N.E.W.T. and a job offer in the Beast section in the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, he wouldn’t be in this situation at all, really. 

He took a deep breath in, and released in slowly. In and out, Albus reminded himself. It wasn’t his fault at _all_ that some _stupid wizard_ had decided that releasing Occamies in wizarding Great Britain, specifically London of all places, was a wonderful idea. 

The nerve of some people. Honestly.

Acting on habit, Albus attempted to bring his right hand up to his unruly hair to mess with some of the longer strands. He had momentarily forgotten that his arm was in a sling, however, so when he tugged upwards, he let out an involuntary hiss of pain. Bloody Occamy had nearly taken out his throat. He almost _died_ for wizarding Great Britain, for Merlin's sake.

He could almost hear his father complaining about how he once literally died for wizarding Great Britain. It made Albus clench his jaw and chuckle simultaneously. Where was his dad, anyway? Albus had sent a Patronus message telling him that he was at St. Mungo’s, that he was fine, just that he regretted every single life choice he’d made up until now because bloody _hell_ , Occamies could really pack a punch if they wanted to.

Knowing his dad, Albus thought he would’ve dropped everything to baby his middle son. It had been over an hour and his father and mother had yet to appear. Or any member of his family, really. Not that he cared. He just didn’t like to be in the waiting room alone. It made him feel funny. Like he stuck out. 

The assistant Healers at St. Mungo’s were eyeing him anxiously from a distance. Every so often one would come up to him, attack him with questions about the sling, the nature of the creatures he was dealing with, where he was, how many potions he’d already taken, et cetera. He had patiently responded the first few times they asked, but after the fifth or sixth time, Albus had begun to snap at them angrily. He was pretty sure they were drawing sticks for who had to be the one to talk to him again. 

“Potter, Albus?” a voice called out. He jumped to his feet before he remembered the immense physical pain he was already in. It took every drop of his willpower to not cry out, and even still he made an awkward groaning sound. A witch Healer was beckoning him forward. “Right this way, please.”

Albus stumbled after her down the corridor. They made too many left and right turns for him to keep track until they were in what was presumably the accidents as a result of idiotic magical creatures ward. She lead him to a room with a bed, a window, and a bedside table.

Gratefully, he lay down on the bed, propping up his feet and maneuvering his arm into a semi-comfortable position. His eyes began to flutter shut. The adrenaline from having to fight for his life from the Occamies had finally left him; he’d been awake for nearly twenty-four hours now. A nap sounded really great all of a sudden… 

“Mr. Potter?” the same brown-haired female Healer was back. “Your family is here to visit with you.”

“Oh, thank Merlin,” he said as his dad, his mum, and James stepped through the door. James and his father sat at the foot of his bed while his mum pulled up a chair alongside him.

“Hey, kiddo,” his father said, patting him on his uninjured shoulder. “How’re you feeling?”

“Oh, you know. I’ve been better. Someone please inform me why I wanted this job in the first place?” Albus groaned, feeling the wounds in his arm, torso, and legs pulse angrily. James made a funny face at Al.

“‘Cause you’re a nerd,” James said in response. His older brother was still wearing his Quidditch practice uniform. He was sweaty and covered in mud; it looked as though he’d been interrupted in the middle of practice. 

“Did you ditch Magpies practice for me?” Albus meant for his words to come out in a teasing manner, but his voice had gone funny right in the middle. James stopped making the weird face at his brother.

“Well, yeah. You’re my brother, after all,” James said.

“That’s nice of you,” Albus said. His mum was torn between looking at James with pleased admiration and looking at Albus with dripping concern. She somehow managed to merge the two expressions and kept one eye trained on each.

“Mum, you have a ridiculous expression on your face,” James joked. When she realized her focus was slipping, Ginny leaned over to put a hand over Albus’ good hand.

“Sorry about that. Long day. You know how it is,” his mum said.

Albus scoffed. “I think I have the right to say that mine’s been far longer.”

“You know, that’s fair,” his mum replied. She gently massaged his knuckles with her thumb, a soothing action she used to do to him as a child to help him calm down. It made Albus want to go back to sleep again. “Have you seen a proper Healer yet?”

“No, just the trainees. They keep asking me the same questions over and over again. It’s really getting on my nerves,” Albus said. “I may have bellowed at a few of them and scared them off from the profession altogether.” All three of his present family members attempted to stifle a laugh.

The door to Albus’ room clicked open. Same old witch Healer was back. “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you all to stay in the waiting area for now. A Healer will be right in to run some tests on Albus.”

His father ruffled Albus’ hair as he walked out of the room. His mum dropped a kiss on his forehead. James whispered a, “Good luck, little bro,” and before he knew it, Albus was all alone again.

The door swung open all the way once more. Albus knew he had dismal luck to begin with, but he was starting to think that there was no way his day could get anymore outrageously frustrating. Turns out he was wrong.

In stepped the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in his entire life. He was definitely taller than Albus by at least half of a foot. His short, blond hair was cropped closely around his ears but was twirled into an elegant quiff in the front. He wore smartly tailored Healer’s robes and thick, square glasses that perched on his nose. 

Albus stared at the man’s long, pale neck for so long that he forgot that he was in any pain in the first place. He even forgot how to breathe.

“Hello there, Mr. Potter,” the Healer said briskly. “I have to run a few tests. Just regular check-up stuff, you know, about your breathing, heartbeat, blood content, the usual. We have to make sure the Occamy hasn’t screwed you up in ways we didn’t think of before.”

Albus, afraid to speak, kept it safe by nodding. There were beads of sweat gathering at his hairline and in the center of his palms. He tried to wipe his hands surreptitiously on his hospital gown.

All of a sudden, it occurred to him how ridiculous he probably looked to this handsome Healer. He hadn’t slept or showered in over twenty-four hours; he was wearing the ugly, standard hospital gown that did not do wonders to accentuate his figure; his hair was most certainly atrocious; and he probably had the worst case of double chins ever, as he was lying down and no angle really ever worked well for him, anyway. Albus resisted the urge to imagine himself punching Fate, who looked suspiciously similar to Rubeus Hagrid.

Another deep set of breaths. In and out, Albus told himself. In and out.

“Okay, let’s start with breathing,” the Healer said. When the Healer leaned over him with his wand, the tag attached to his robes caught Albus’ eye. _Scorpius Malfoy, General Healer_. The name was familiar; they’d probably gone to Hogwarts together. How he hadn’t remembered this handsome, blond, intelligent guy was beyond him, though…

_Woah there, Albus thought to himself, reigning his imagination back in. You don’t know the guy. Focus on your breathing, anyway, or he’s going to think that something’s actually wrong with you apart from the multiple beak-jab wounds._

Apparently Scorpius had collected all the data he needed, as he was pulling away from Albus’ chest far too soon (in Albus’ opinion, at least). The blond Healer was humming to himself, using his wand to display images that only he understood. Albus was trying very hard not to stare openly at Scorpius’ perfect jawline.

Scorpius narrowed his eyes before commanding his wand to show him the data again. “Odd,” he mumbled to himself. Albus didn’t have the heart to ask what was ‘odd’ about his breathing. 

“Alright, I’m going to take your heart rate and a quick sample of your blood. I hope you’re not afraid of seeing your own blood, or anything,” Scorpius said, keeping his wand level with Albus’ good wrist.

“N-no, not at all,” Albus stuttered. Scorpius smiled kindly at him.

“That’s good!” Scorpius chirped. “Heart rate first.” To Albus’ equal parts horror and delight, getting his heart rate taken meant that the blond Healer had to wrap his hand around the skin at the end of Albus’ forearm but before his wrist, and use his left hand to cast a spell. Albus felt his neck begin to flush a dark red color.

Once again, the test was over far too soon and yet not soon enough. Albus let out a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding.

Scorpius muttered a quick charm, and before Albus could blink, a little vial was filled with his blood. It floated out of the room and presumably down the hallway, to another little team of Healers.

The room was quiet. Scorpius was making an odd expression at the data analysis his wand was projecting for him. Using his hands, he manipulated two projections of light side-by-side. And then he quietly muttered, “Oh.”

Albus glanced up. Scorpius was looking at him in a funny way. His cheeks were flushed in an odd manner. Come to think of it, it was a little toasty in this room. Albus tugged at the collar of his gown, feeling suddenly uncomfortable and warm and exposed.

“Your tests were a little abnormal,” Scorpius said, his voice a little lower than before. Or was that Albus’ imagination? He really wanted to fall asleep. Listening to Scorpius’ voice made his eyes close against his will.

“Albus,” Scorpius said, his voice suddenly very shy and quiet. The weight of the bed dipped suddenly, and Albus’ eyes flew open. Scorpius was sitting just a few inches away, not making eye contact.

Albus stared at Scorpius with wide eyes. "Uh, yeah? What's up?"“Your heart rate was higher than normal, and your breathing was too. Also, your pupils are dilated an abnormal amount, and your reaction time is slower than expected of a young adult male of your profession. Um. I don't know how to ask this without imposing," Scorpius said, and Albus felt his hands still. _He could tell that I'm gay, and found him attractive. I'm screwed._ "Um, have you... have you taken any- is there any reason that there would be drugs in your system?" His voice squeaked at the end of his sentence, and he was wringing his hands. "I can't arrest you, don't worry, it's just-it's just important that I ask because I can't think of any other reason as to why you're-"

Albus squeaked. "No! No, no, no! Absolutely no! Oh, Merlin, definitely not,“ he said vehemently. Scorpius put his head in his hands.

"Oh my goodness. I'm mortified. I really... I really hated asking that but it's necessary and sometimes people have, like, you know?" Scorpius said. "I thought it seemed weird, for you to be like, high on the job, but I don't know. People are weird. I've seen weird things here," he said, his voice turning into more of a shy mumble near the end. "Sorry. That might be too much personal info. Sorry."

Albus was certain he was going to die, and not from the Occamy wounds. He could kiss the Occamy right now, for landing him in here in the first place. Screw that, he could kiss _Scorpius._

“No," Albus said. "No, not at all. I don't... mind, hearing you talk about your job."

Scorpius nodded to himself, seemingly in a daze. “That's nice of you to say.” He cleared his throat. "So, uh, can you think of any reason why your tests might be like that? I know you mentioned no substances, but... asthma, pre-existing conditions, et cetera? Your general charts haven't come in yet - Owls post is slow today - so I don't really know your medical history."

“Um, think it's you mate," Albus blurted. He looked down at his clasped hands. _Fuck._ That was absolutely not what he meant to say, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept, or had any real food, and _Merlin_ it was hot in this tiny hospital room. He desperately tugged at his gown again, wishing that it were cooler inside.

“Oh,” Scorpius said. "Um." His fair cheeks were a brilliant magenta, and he, too, was having a hard time looking at Albus. Albus really wished the Occamy had better aim, else he wouldn't need to be in this situation. "You're saying that... that I'm why your tests are funny?" Albus nodded, clenching his teeth. "I'm... well, your heart rate was... and your pupils were..." As Scorpius spoke, Albus could almost see the puzzle pieces fitting themselves together. It was torturous. And, well, adorable.

"Oh," Scorpius said once more, but with more feeling. "You mean that in a... you find me attractive?"

"Yep," Albus said, popping the p with gusto. _It's not like this can get any worse,_ he thought to himself. _Might as well have fun with it._

"That's. Good," Scorpius said, his voice coming out in staccato. Albus quirked an eyebrow at him, his mind too sluggish to really comprehend anything.

"'M sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or anything, I just. It's true. Didn't want your data to get screwed up by being dishonest, so I just. Kinda. Yeah. Said the truth. We can stop talking now, if you want. I can stop talking. We can pretend this never happened, and then when my medical charts get here we can just-"

"Um," Scorpius said. "It's. Okay. That you think that. I think that, too." He coughed. "Think that you're attractive. Yeah."

"Yeah?" Albus said. All of a sudden, it didn't matter that he hadn't showered, or that his hair looked funny, or that he was really hungry, or that it was really, really hot in here. Because Scorpius had the most dazed expression on his face.

"God, I bloody love Occamies," Albus said aloud. "Thank Merlin that they... exist and all. Yeah. Love 'em."

Scorpius snapped out of his daze to give him the most incredulous look. "One... nearly took out your throat," he said carefully, as though Albus was having a stroke of some sort and had forgotten entirely why he was here in the first place. His eyes flicked back to Albus' chart and his hand creeped towards a pen, probably to note _sudden loss of sanity._ Albus barked out a laugh.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be here without it, would I?" he said mirthfully.

Scorpius hummed, summoning the charts once more. "Maybe we'll have to go visit it. Pay our thanks. And whatnot," he said.

"Oh, no, I have no interest in interacting with one ever again," Albus said. "However, I am very much interested in the idea of interacting with you. Again." He realized his awkward wording the second the words left his mouth, but there was no taking them back at this point. Scorpius held up a hand over his face, and Albus saw that his shoulders were shaking. Was he... giggling?

"Are you asking me out?" Scorpius said.

"Yeah, I reckon so," Albus said, feeling much too tired to play coy right now. His eyes were slipping shut with every passing second.

"That's nice," Scorpius said. "That's good."

"Are you... saying yes?" Albus asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I reckon so," Scorpius said, in a clear imitation of Albus' voice. His eyes flicked up to meet Albus'. "For the record, I did try to ask you first." He had the sweetest grin on his face.

Albus couldn't help but grin, too.


End file.
